Scrubbing Bubbles
by Empress of Everything
Summary: How was he supposed to know the foam was poison? Also, never argue with blondes on pain medication. You will not win. {CoLu.}
**Prompt:** **snibs13** suggested this one. Thanks, dearie. :)

 **Pairing:** CoLu, mostly friendshippy, Lucy/Crime Sorcerie friendship, Cobra/Laxus/Gajeel friendship, Laxus/Lucy siblingship.

* * *

"Oi, Bright Eyes, can I borrow your shower?" The sound of the door banging open woke Lucy from her restless nap.

Lucy opened one eye to stare at the Dragon Slayer standing in front of her bed, looking expectantly at her. She closed her eye. This had to be some sort of a nightmare. Some crazed vision brought on by the pain medication Wendy had given her for her surgery. There was no other explanation for why she had a criminal in her apartment asking to use her shower. It was too surreal even for her life. Even though Dragon Slayer invasions were a regular occurrence in her life.

"It's former criminal, this isn't a nightmare, and I didn't know you had surgery." Cobra said, crouching down by her head. Her silky gold hair was splayed across her pillow as she wriggled, trying to reorient herself in a more comfortable position. One brown eye opened again before Lucy decided she was too tired to have this conversation. Cobra poked her arm very gently. "Bright Eyes! Why did you need surgery?"

The Poison Slayer would never admit it, but the blonde Celestial Mage was the only person in her guild that he tolerated. She was kind, having been the first to welcome Crime Sorcerie after they were pardoned. Meredy and Sorano had taken to her, Midnight liked being petted by her (seriously, Lucy would pet his head and Midnight would purr like a cat.), and the others enjoyed her calm company in a guild of asylum wannabes.

She could be quiet and gentle, but her angelic facade hid a ruthless, fiercely determined fighter, something he admired. And don't even get him started on her brain. The complexity left him baffled and intrigued. How did she even function with all the labyrinthine twists and turns that made up her thought processes? When it came to her soul, well, he could gladly sit and listen to its song all day. In all his years, Cobra had never heard a song so beautiful.

But now... She was in pain, that much he could tell. That and she was on pain medication, so her brain was going on some sort of drugged up trip into insanity. Why though?

"Why are you in my apartment?" Lucy opened both eyes this time and and pushed herself up a bit, wincing the whole way. Her eyes were a bit unfocused as she looked at him. She obviously didn't notice how close her face had gotten to his, and that if someone walked in on them right now, it'd look like she was about to kiss him. Cobra leaned back a bit. The last thing he needed was such an obvious temptation. Those full, pink lips…

 _Focus, focus!_

"Answer my question first, Bright Eyes."

"What question?"

"Why did you have surgery?" He looked her over, his pressing need to take a shower forgotten. Just how badly had she been hurt that she needed surgery? And where was her idiotic team? They'd normally be hovering like crazy right now.

She blinked slowly, comprehension dawning. Lucy slowly pushed herself up the rest of the way so she was sitting up against her headboard. The blanket slipped off to expose her crop top and bandaged side. Peeking out from under the bandages were dark purple bruises. She also gave him a lovely view of her milky white shoulders. Honestly, the girl was a _temptation_.

"My side got torn up a bit on our last mission, so Wendy had to stitch me back up. It was last week, so I'm fine now." She winced, a hand moving to brush the bandaged part of her abdomen. Cobra watched her silently. A bit torn up? It looked like her whole side had been shredded then put back together from her memories of the incident. Wendy had been able to fix the internal damage with her healing magic, but Lucy had still needed stitches and rest. "Okay, Snake Breath, answer my question. Why are you in my apartment?"

Cobra scowled. "Not my name, Bright Eyes."

"Do you really think Bright Eyes is my name?" She countered. They glared at each other. Cobra caved first. It was hard to fight with Lucy when she was so drugged up. Besides, in the eight months he had formally known the girl, he had discovered the awe-inspiring power of her enormous brown eyes. Natsu and Laxus were particularly susceptible to that attack. It was more deadly than her Lucy Kick.

"Fine," he said gruffly. "I asked if I could take a shower." One blonde eyebrow went up as she questioned his intentions. There were other places he could go, right? Cobra sighed dramatically and rolled his eye. "I came here because you're the only person who would let me." She continued to stare blankly. "And it's quiet here," Cobra added as an afterthought. Her other eyebrow went up. "The rest of Sorcerie is at the guild hall, no doubt flirting with their chosen targets and getting royally drunk."

Lucy sighed and waved a hand. "Whatever. I don't want to fight about this right now." She yawned, nestling back down into her blankets. Her soul became muzzy as she slipped off into drugged dreams. It was like a whole psychedelic universe opened up in her brain. Cobra stood up and watched her quietly.

 _I hope she feels better soon._

* * *

About three hours later, Lucy woke up. Instantly, she could tell she was feeling better. Her side still hurt, but her head was better and she felt more awake. _Boy, that medicine Wendy gave me sure did a number on me. Gahh... My mouth feels like a desert after Natsu hit it. Need water._

Slowly, Lucy pushed her blankets off and stood up. She swayed for a moment, disoriented. She righted herself and headed toward her kitchen, intent on getting that glass of water. She rubbed sleep from her eyes and stumbled her way to the kitchen.

Well, until she ran into the roadblock known as shoes laying in the middle of the floor that send you flying and landing in a pair of strong arms that appeared from nowhere. A pained yelp burst from her lips as said strong arms pressed against her bandaged side.

 _Holy Mavis, that_ ** _hurt_** _!_

"Crap, Lucy, sorry. I didn't mean to grab your side." Lucy's whimper made Cobra frown and shift her up into his arms, princess style. "Bed or couch?"

"Couch please, I've spent too much time in bed." Cobra nodded, carrying her easily over to the frilly pink monstrosity. Before he could set her down, her thready whisper of "Stay," caught his ear. He sighed and sat down with Lucy nestled into his arms. He was going to chalk this one up to insanity brought upon by drugs.

Lucy sniffed him. She frowned and sniffed again. "I thought you said you showered. That was the whole reason you came here."

"I did." He said calmly.

"Then why do you smell like cleaning supplies?"

Cobra gave her a weird look. "I used your soap."

Lucy gave him a weird look back. "My soap smells like strawberries, not cleaning supplies."

Cobra frowned and tapped her lightly on the nose. Lucy batted his hand away. "I used the thing on the wall that sprayed foam."

Lucy frowned, not understanding him. "What foamy spray thing?"

"The one on the wall."

Lucy's jaw dropped. Alarm burst from her in an almost physical wave. "Cobra! That was the shower cleaner! It's poisonous, you idiot! It specifically says on the side, **not a body wash**. Didn't you _see_ that?" _The idiot! Does his lack of an eye render him incapable of reading signs?_

He grinned rakishly down at her. She squirmed, trying to get out of his arms. Cobra tighten his grip, being mindful of her side. "Nah, it won't hurt me. Poison Dragon Slayer, remember, love?" As soon as that last word left his mouth, he blanched. He hadn't meant to say that! It just leapt out somehow! What would Lucy say?

He shouldn't have worried. In her still slightly drugged haze, she hadn't heard. Lucy sighed, leaning into his shoulder. "Whatever. You didn't die in my house, so Jellal can't get mad at me."

"...I think there's something wrong with your logic, Bright Eyes."

A slight shrug was his only answer. Well, that and another sniff. "Ugh, if you're going to stay any longer, go shower properly. Unhhh..." Lucy pulled away, wrinkling her nose up.

"I am not going to smell like a pansy. Real men don't smell like strawberries."

Lucy stared at him. "You do know you sounded just like Elfman right there," she said slowly.

He scowled. Stupid Fairies, the more time he spent around them, the more of their psychotic mannerisms he picked up. Lucy slipped off his lap onto the couch next to him. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Go shower or I'll tell Meredy and Mira that you spent the whole day with me."

If there was anything Cobra feared more than Midnight's illusions, Jellal, and cheese, it was the interest of the pink and white demon matchmakers. So he obeyed his hostess and showered again. Lucy was nice about it and have him a different body wash, cinnamon, so he didn't have to smell...fruity.

When the two showed up at the guild that afternoon, (Lucy had leaned on him the whole way and it was lovely), Lucy headed upstairs so Wendy could check her side. Thankful no one questioned why they had come in together (it may have had to do with Mira and Meredy not being in the guild for once), he headed over to his usual table.

"You smell weird", Gajeel informed the maroon haired Slayer as he sank down at the Slayer table with a deep, put upon sigh. His single eye focused on the Iron Slayer crossly.

"It's the result of losing an argument with a drugged blonde. Never attempt to change their minds or use their showers." Gajeel stared at Cobra, confusion in his eyes. Laxus, having caught his reference, chuckled into his mug. He knew Cobra's pain. Last week, he had attempted to argue with his little sister about why she wasn't allowed to sleep in the library while she recovered, and he had barely escaped that encounter alive.

Cobra glowered down at the tabletop. _Note to self, don't ever go back to Lucy's to take a shower. She's evil._

And how was he supposed to know the foamy thing was poison?! Women were impossible to understand…

Lucy Heartfilia especially...

* * *

 **A/N:** Because Cobra would do something stupid like that!


End file.
